Today is not a good day.
For the first time in weeks, waves of dizziness and weakness are once again my breakfast of champions. While I’ve had a few bouts of weak spells over the past month, they’ve only come after some level of over-exertion. I had started to believe that these random morning attacks were behind me.
I know I’m not cured. I get that I’m not “getting over it” so much as “learning to live with it.”
What I really am is sick of it.
That came out stronger than intended (and possibly a little punny). Of course I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’m really frustrated by the thought that of a two-week “healthy streak” being wrecked by one random morning of overwhelming weakness.
Imagine not being able to lift your arms because they suddenly weigh about 200 lbs each. Imagine putting one foot in front of the other, just like you always do, but you somehow still lilt to the right – right into the wall. (I really hate door frames.) And that’s IF you think you can lift your legs at all!
Now imagine that it doesn’t just stop with the physical!
Sometimes my speech gets a little slurry. Often, in the middle of conversations, I’ll intend to say “my truck is silver,” but what comes out is “my truck is sliver.” Then there’s the occasional “my truck is telephone.”
Most frustrating is when my normally freakish memory just turns off, and I go from remembering the questions on my 10th grade geography final to not remembering what I just talking about two minutes ago.
I try to not let it bother me. I try to just roll with it. Especially when my slips of the tongue turn out to be really funny. (I typically don’t even know I’ve said the wrong thing until I realize folks are laughing. Then I have to ask someone clarify what I said.)
So I sit here, counting my blessings, thanking God that I’m weak, not wounded, tired not dead, looking forward to rehearsal tonight, knowing that, if history is any indicator, I will be 100 percent when I hit the stage.
Oh, did I mention I’m in the cast of Hello Dolly! at Lebanon Community Theatre? Did I mention I’m taking singing lessons?
Well, I’ll tell you more about that next time.